1. |
January
02:46
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Scorn yourself for boredom in this age
Find yourself a look for looking sage
And watch as the town splits into districts into streets then into souls then into rage
Nothing is as hopeless as it seems
Build yourself a tunnel in your dreams
And once you are clear of all the hubbub won’t you please come back and tell us what it means
There’s so many places, it could strain your mind
But you can occupy them all at the same time
Like when you were in my house
While you were in my heart
And your name was in my mouth
We used to wonder what everything means
As if the world's a Rube Goldberg machine
But we'll seek comfort in the chaos and resist the urge to make this about me
Go wake up your hibernating joy
Pretend the recent months have been a ploy
I've not felt this amount of promise in a frozen evening since I was a boy
There’s so many places, it could strain your mind
But you can occupy them all at the same time
Like when you were in my thoughts
While you were down the road
And your ghost was at the door
Half of what we wanted was enough
And to tell it all apart from cupboard love
My only hope is that your hope returns as January rests its eyes on us
There’s so many places, it could strain your mind
But you can occupy them all at the same time
Like when you were in my house
While you were in my heart
And your name was in my mouth
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2. |
February
03:24
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First across the threshold and then across the room
In this one of you and one of me life
Are we staring at the pavement or howling at the moon
In this some of you and some of me life?
And you were looking forward just as I was looking grim
In this half of you and half of me life
Show me one more morning and I'll show you one more grin
In this all of you and all of me life
And we try to find the splendour in the ordinary
So hats off if you made it through to February
I try to keep my focus but then my canary
Should've warned me
There was something that was lurking in this mine
I dreamt I tried to raise my voice up but that it was paper thin
And the dread was real and the dread was mine
Somewhere I am walking and the calm is setting in
Like the sun that droops below the skyline
What a winning combination to be righteous and thin-skinned
And heaven knows and Hades knows why
So I cling on like a leap year so the ending can't begin
And work out how to spend all of that saved time
And we try to find the splendour in the ordinary
So hats off if you made it through to February
And a voice that I remember as an adversary
Says
Am I right?
Am I enough?
Am I alive?
First across the threshold and then across the room
In this one of you and one of me life
Are we staring at the pavement or howling at the moon
In this some of you and some of me life?
And you were looking forward just as I was looking grim
In this half of you and half of me life
Show me one more morning and I'll show you one more grin
In this all of you and all of me life
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3. |
March
02:50
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Let's all contemplate so pensively
I can do aloof and solitary
Pretending I like my own company
If you believe that
You made a call almost ten years ago
Maybe it's time that you forgive yourself
Maybe it's best that no one ever know
How much it eats you up
You always talked about what you don't want
And never what the other option was
And quelle surprise you've wound up living low
And always looking back
Before this call I had another name
Before it ends please sing that old refrain
How March arrives just like a speeding train
Without being asked
You had a way of making everybody listen in
You had a satchel with a clasp to put your bible in
I know the past is damaged and perhaps beyond repair
But I will meet you there
I will meet you there
And I would hate for things to culminate
Into a state where we just ruminate
Trading glances at the going rate
Unless you want that
My greatest fear was being risible
So the story grew more mythical
'til I became a hypothetical
If you believe that
Now and then it's nice to criticize
Just to cut somebody down to size
And then a second later realise
All the ways you lack
Credit where credit's due we can't complain
We can chalk it up to growing pains
And March arrives just like a speeding train
Without being asked
You had a way of making everybody listen in
You had a satchel with a clasp to put your bible in
I know the past is damaged and perhaps beyond repair
But I will meet you there
I will meet you there
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4. |
April
03:22
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I want to know your history
I want to know your kin
Make for the safety matches
Make for the easy win
There go the prim and proper
There go the “how it’s done”
And hope is misgiving’s daughter
And me I am April’s son
How d’you know they won’t be howling slander?
‘Cause they might, ‘cause they might
How d’you know I won’t revert to type again?
‘Cause I might, ‘cause I might
We’ll call the whole thing misguided elation
If you like, if you like
Or I’ll find all of my flaws and then replace them
If you like, if you like, if you like
All that you need is momentum
To be like a tributary
To sidestep the diktats and edicts
Telling you how to be
Bearing the load of a lintel
The words left their marks on your skin
You kept your eye on the front door
While I worked out where to begin
How d’you know they won’t be howling slander
‘Cause they might, ‘cause they might
How d’you know I won’t revert to type again
‘Cause I might, ‘cause I might
We’ll call the whole thing misguided elation
If you like, if you like
Or I’ll find all of my flaws and then replace them
If you like, if you like, if you like
There go the prim and proper
There go the “how it’s done”
And hope is misgiving’s daughter
And me I am April’s son
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5. |
May
03:31
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The week’s been stripped for parts and the day is dust
I’m a walking contradiction with a lack of trust
You had a dream about an orchard
Where the only thing that grew in there was us
Half out of stubbornness and half out of heart
You were striving for a time when we could all be told apart
And you were going nowhere
When nowhere was exactly where to start
So how d’you cope with that?
Well, it’s not well, not well
And it’s something of a habit
The sinking feeling swells
But oh well, oh well
It’s easier to have it
The spring bled into summer this year faster still
The sun suspended in the evening just to tame the chill
If May was anything to go by
We’re still hoping someone else will foot the bill
I don’t plan on mixing concepts like an alchemist
Or logging every interaction like an archivist
And while I’m here making excuses
I never thought I’d be like this
So how d’you cope with that?
Well, it’s not well, not well
And it’s something of a habit
The sinking feeling swells
But oh well, oh well
It’s easier to have it
Half out of stubbornness and half out of heart
You were striving for a time when we could all be told apart
And you were going nowhere
When nowhere was exactly where to start
So how d’you cope with that?
Well, it’s not well, not well
And it’s something of a habit
The sinking feeling swells
But oh well, oh well
It’s easier to have it
So how d’you cope with that?
Well, not well, not well
And it’s something of a habit of mine
The sinking feeling swells
But oh well, oh well
It’s easier to have it sometimes
So how d’you cope with that?
Well, it’s not well, not well
And it’s something of a habit by now
The sinking feeling swells
But oh well, oh well
It’s easier to have it for now
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6. |
June
02:53
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Why does it always start with something someone hid?
A tale as old as the Arietids
I am the mantra that you tell yourself
I am the dust that gathers on your shelves
And I know the Temple of Juno was razed
But the thought of what’s buried remains
And it’s worse in the night
And I, I worry for everyone’s sake
And I worry that that’s a mistake
When I know that every day’s a letting go
Curated trinkets on the windowsill
Capture a moment like a movie still
I am the hope that just wouldn’t take
I am the lie that you tried to shake
And I know the Temple of Juno was razed
But the thought of what’s buried remains
And it’s worse in the night
And I, I worry for everyone’s sake
And I worry that that’s a mistake
When I know that every day’s a letting go
But is it more or less real when it’s
In your mind?
In your mind?
Enthusing when we might meet next
June is fine
June is fine
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7. |
July
02:45
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Poor old soul
Hardly slept a wink
Now it’s all quotes and maxims
Barely makes you think
And all of the ghosts are making the most of the way you measure out your worth
And sometimes the truth is jagged and ruthless, but sometimes it's even worse
And the names are all fading now
And I'm freaking, I'm freaking out
Save yourself
‘Cause I’m a parasite
Don’t know what I want
Don’t know what I like
And all of your breath and all of your strength well it’s enough to make you sigh
Don’t know if it’s true but they’re saying the brook has run dry since mid-July
And their faces are fading now
And I'm freaking, I'm freaking out
And all of your ghosts are making the most of the way you measure out your worth
And sometimes the truth is jagged and ruthless, but sometimes it's even worse
And their voices are fading now
And I'm freaking, I'm freaking out
Alla i ddim meddwl, alla i ddim trio
Alla i ddim cofio unrhyw beth
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8. |
August
02:36
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Caught gawping at the monolith
You always were a realist
So you’re hiring an apologist
For everything you’ve done
Thought I was at the finish line
I’m begging for some peace of mind
A little something anodyne
I won’t bother anyone
The back and forth and then the back again
It really starts to make the decades blend
You feel the presence of a distant friend
Just like the blazing sun
Another day another real blow
My reflection’s on the wane, you know
I caught it in a shop window
Thought it could be anyone
This life was never mine
It belongs to the hills and the pines
And deepest time
Maybe you get used to it
The way that memories can dart and flit
And then rebuilding again bit by bit
Surrounded by a glow
So many horrors that you couldn’t choose
Lost the whole week to the rolling news
There’s just something that you can’t refuse
About an all-time low
And I’m getting way too old for this
I think I need a year to decompress
Or a touch of sleep paralysis
Yeah, you just never know
And there’s faces at the broken fence
And they’re smirking in their innocence
And they never ask for recompense
For how August comes then goes
This life was never mine
It belongs to the coves and the tides
And deepest time
My heart is hardly in the mood
And it’s tired of all the platitudes
But I can feign some gratitude
Along with everyone
I was getting overconfident
I guess that there’s a first for everything
But can’t you tell my scruples come from
Weariness and love?
A little scrutiny was overdue
I never thought that you would see it through
How you tore up every rule and law and code
You could think of
But you were caught out by the zero-sum
Of a contradictory utterance
Like the way “the minimum”
Is also “not enough”
This life was never mine
It belongs to the hills and the pines
And to deepest time
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9. |
September
03:11
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Why stop when you’re leagues ahead and there’s no one at your back?
Or is there more to it than that?
Maybe we’ve all been losing track
I wouldn’t guess, I wouldn’t try, I wouldn’t know
I couldn’t watch the baying crowd, I couldn’t go
And now you’re going to stay
Even though that is a paradox to say
Just like the equinox
You’re here and miles away
And I mumble in vain
Even though we know that countless feel the same
Please don’t wake me
Please don’t make me
Do another day
Remember the forget-me-nots in the dugout by the field?
You held the summer still
With September on your heels
I wouldn’t linger on the voices on the phone
They always said he’ll never make it on his own
And now you’re going to stay
Even though that is a paradox to say
Just like the equinox
You’re here and miles away
And I mumble in vain
Even though we know that countless feel the same
Please don’t wake me
Please don’t make me
Do another day
That sinking feeling kicked in three steps from the house
But you get used to it with time
Chest out, chin up; as if there was any doubt
Calm as you like
Calm as you like
And now you’re going to stay
Even though that is a paradox to say
Just like the equinox
You’re here and miles away
And I mumble in vain
Even though we know that countless feel the same
Please don’t wake me
Please don’t make me
Do another day
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10. |
October
02:40
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So what was the question?
I do that a lot now
Call it a prelude
Call it a letting down
I know that candour comes with time
A singular focus
Just as the leaves turn
Green into amber
Amber to deepest bronze
They won’t, no they won’t change their minds
And the rot
First it takes
Then it gives
Then you grasp
Then you thrive
You’ve not seen the sky glint
It’s not been the same since
Not since October
Not since the northern lights
That gleam, that iridescent sight
Who cares if you dreamt it?
Show us the difference
Synapses blooming
Spreading beneath your skull
No need to open up your eyes
And the rot
First it takes
Then it gives
Then you grasp
Then you thrive
And even if they all debate on what is in your heart
You can show yourself that every day
And I can do etcetera and so forth and so on
And hoping that my mouth knows what to say
There's no use in waiting
Won’t let the grass grow
I can hear voices
Quiet then swiftly loud
They sing a chorus of ymlaen
A singular focus
Just as the leaves turn
Green into amber
Amber to deepest bronze
They won’t, no they won’t change their minds
And the rot
First it takes
Then it gives
And it stays
And it holds
Then it spreads
And you watch
And you wait
Then you sprout
Then you stretch
Then you reach
Then you grasp
Then you thrive
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11. |
November
02:49
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There’s a calm you used to know
When November’s fog was hanging low
What if asteroids above us glow?
A distant sonic boom
Moments come and moments go
Make the slow ones last and the fast ones slow
And I won’t ever want for naught
Just music in a room
An old friend said
“There’s mercy in your head”
And butter wouldn’t melt
It’s true
And even though
You couldn’t leave things well alone
I wouldn’t blame yourself
Or anybody else
There’s a harmful thought you used to have
That your mind was shot and your heart was bad
And all the kids might point and laugh
But what else can you do?
So you know, it isn’t right
And it’s older than the Dolomites
I might find my way by lamp post light
If it's all the same to you
An old friend said
“There’s mercy in your head”
And butter wouldn’t melt
It’s true
And even though
You couldn’t leave things well alone
I wouldn’t blame yourself
Or everybody else
What a joy, oh what a thing
The way the foghorns by the old docks sing
Who knows what the aeons bring
But they will be here soon
There’s a calm you used to know
When November’s fog was hanging low
What if asteroids above us glow?
A distant sonic boom
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12. |
December
03:15
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Just when you thought that you had sussed it
You couldn’t trust the mind you’d built yourself
But how could anybody blame you?
You were under late-December’s spell
The cutting barbs can be alarming
Or was it charming? I could never tell
Be wary of the world that made you
It will forsake you to save itself
The rogues in chorus crave your misery
And how they howl it all by heart
And make things out to be unreachable
And so you reach into the dark
Perhaps the half moon was a warning
Perhaps there’s menace in the setting sun
Perhaps we shouldn’t live by omens
As if there’s nothing to be done
Forgive the hyperbolic notion
You are the Earth’s prodigal son
And we’ll pretend that we can know you
As if you can know anyone
The rogues in chorus crave your misery
And how they howl it all by heart
And make things out to be unreachable
And so you reach into the dark
I was a relic in a front room
I was a goner, I was worn and spent
I thought the mulling should be over
Without knowing what that meant
There is a blind spot in your vision
There is an ocean round your bed
Matters past, matters unfolding
They always find you in the end
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Ardie Collins Cardiff, UK
I'm a songwriter from Cardiff, Wales.
In 2011 I released a song a day. In 2014 I released a song a week. I haven't been up to much since.
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